We’ve left the Chamber, now we’re off to Azkaban! Your Professors begin Book 3, and this week we discuss: things Harry Potter is or is not; why flatworms are flat; revisionist witch burnings and whether or not Wendelin the Weird was actually helping; poverty-shaming the Weasleys; that OTHER Valley of the Kings; Hagrid’s biting book; Harry repeatedly misses the obvious; Aunt Marge and The Bachelorette go Nazi; why white people don’t get to use the N-word; man buns are proof of vicious character; authoritarian parenting; coded gay tropes; Dickensian lesbian slashfic; dog breeding and eugenics; Uncle Vernon totally knows better; personal responsibility can keep you from catching compassion OR the gay germ; we finally understand why Marge is so horrid; cathartic Harry anger; teen slippery slopes; working-class Stan Shunpike; the Daily Prophet solves the gun debate; why the NRA is pointedly ignoring Philando Castile’s terrible fate; dreams of backstory; how is the Trace supposed to work again?; and THIS ONE QUESTION IS WHY NO ONE EVER GETS EXPELLED.