This week we go way off the rails, super early! Join us as we discuss:whether or not God has a penis and why he’s into circumcision; Jesus the perfect party guest; let’s all seduce Oliver Wood; teen embarrassment and legit reasons to be depressed; please boss us around, Emma Watson; flavorful souls and tasty Muggles; dementors are functioning alcoholics; the Ministry is made of stupid; Sirius’s muscles are made of no freaking way; without luck, Hogwarts would fall; that map totally should have gotten Harry killed; Fred, George and the Marauder’s Map; how did anyone ever figure out how to work this thing ; the trope of the bad and brilliant male student; Hogwarts Sims; debating the best magical sweets; wizards need an FDA; is butterbeer intoxicating?; convenient eavesdropping with the most inept Minister of Magic ever; why the Fidelius Charm could have prevented Craft Services Voldemort; we are all really lucky Sirius Black was just misunderstood; headcanon casting; what Sirius knew and when he knew it; why a trial wouldn’t have helped Sirius; and thank goodness the filmmakers at least considered plotholes.