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5 reasons marriage doesn't work any more


My friend posted this to Facebook, and when I tried to find some background on it I saw a lot of newspapers and sites talking about it. I'll be honest, while it makes me worry about her relationship, for the most part I think the article is just wrong.

The five titular reasons are:

1) Sex becomes almost non-existent.

I don't know about everyone out there, but I can speak from experience that not EVERYONE is too busy/lazy/distracted to have sex. The author doesn't even explain why they aren't, but just asserts that couples only have sex once every few weeks unless they're trying to have a baby. If your marriage is dying because you aren't having sex, and it isn't because one person is physically or otherwise incapable of having sex... Why not have more sex? It seems an easy thing to do if both parties are missing it.


2) Finances cripple us.

I do put more stock in this one. No one can deny that housing, school, and child care is more expensive now than it ever has been, and that debt can cause strain on a marriage. However, I know too many couples that are committed to each other despite living in relative poverty to say that expenses will always doom marriages.


3) We're more connected than ever before, but completely disconnected at the same time.

The author writes that communication via electronic means isn't as valid or fulfilling as person-to-person conversations. Apparently it doesn't even count as communication unless it's face-to-face.


Mr L and I spent most of our dating period on MSN together when we weren't with each other. We still text each other throughout the day, even if its just a smilie or a <3. Then we come home and get to talk in person. I love being able to be in constant non-verbal contact with him. Our emails to each other are just as valid as an old handwritten letter. A bonus is that I can go back and see how cute we were when we were in the first stages. If your phone or computer are distracting you from each other and you are only using them to distance yourself from your partner, then sure, that's a problem. However, modern technology is not in and of itself the enemy. Also, if going half an hour without a text makes you think your partner is cheating on you, you have deeper problems.

4) Our desire for attention outweighs our desire to be loved.

I'll be honest, I barely know what the author is getting at, besides "internet BAD!'. The point is basically that everyone is more obsessed with Facebook likes then they care about their marriage. Again, if that's true, that's a sign of pre-existing issues (and maybe a sign that you are completely narcissistic), but you can't say that this is a problem for the majority of people in marriages.


5) Social media just invited a few thousand people into bed with you.

By now it's clear to me that the author assumes the issues that broke up his marriage are the same for everyone. Since he or his partner couldn't put their phones away, that means no one can.


I just took a vacation. It was incredible, and I took tonnes of pictures, but didn't spend every minute posting them online and anxiously waiting for responses. Again, if you find yourself doing that, put your phone away. No one is making you do that. 'Social Media' is not a demon holding a gun to your head. It's a tool that you can use however you wish.

Divorce rates are actually lower today thn theya have been in ages. Let's not project our problems and claim they're universal.

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