Is stupid, and I feel stupid.

I'm 32 and I'm pretty happy with where I am in life. I like being this age, I feel more confident in myself than I've ever been, despite whatever shit I happen to be going through. It's easier for me to communicate, I've been, at times in my life, so shy it's interfered with my well being, I'm not like that anymore. Part of feeling better about myself has been physical, I started being much more vigilant about eating better and exercising, and I'm now more fit than I've been in ten years and on my way to the best shape I've been in my life. Despite my ranting, bitchy post venting frustration about my husband, we have a pretty solid marriage that's going on 10 years. I usually feel secure in how I choose to raise my kids. I'm usually good at navigating my friendships. I love being an adult. Aside from toddlerhood, which I don't even remember, there is no time in my life I would rather be at than now.

So when it happens that I get a crush, and it happens from time to time, I feel like a fucking teenager and I hate it. Real life crush, not celebrity. Celebrity crushes are far enough removed for me that it's just in fun. Real life is too close for comfort and I just feel idiotic. I know all of three or four things about this person, so it's pretty much physical attraction and potential. I kind of wish I would find out something bad, just to squash the feelings.

But for now, I think it would be fun to get high with and mess around in the pool with a particular lifeguard at my gym.

Stupid brain.

Okay, that's all, I just needed somewhere to put this because there's not really anyone I can talk to about it.

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