So yeah, not my normal kind of post and all, but I need to vent for a minute about this disorder I've got that is making me crazy and depressed as fuck lately. A few years ago I was diagnosed with a neurological disorder called transverse myelitis where basically my immune system decided to attack part of the protective covering around my spinal cord. So I've got a marble sized area "rubbed off" of the myelin sheath right at the top of my spinal cord. Whatever. I'm lucky in that it didn't cause much worse stuff than it did.

But despite having taken 19 vials of blood the day I had my spinal tap (that isn't hyperbole, it was literally NINETEEN vials of blood, and not a goddamn cookie or glass of juice in sight), my neurologist apparently forgot to test for one thing, but she wasn't too concerned about it.

Fast forward to earlier this year, when I started realizing my vision was getting wonky. No big, I'm 43, it's kind of expected. So I got some spiffy bifocals and realized they were fantastic for reading, but the other part wasn't helping at all. I finally realized why one day when we were on the road, coming home from my son's boot camp graduation - it was actually double vision, in both eyes, independent of each other (so if I covered one eye, the double vision "ghost" still appeared). Google told me the very fucking last thing I wanted to hear... It could be the one goddamned thing the neurologist forgot to test for, neuromyelitis optica, which can lead to blindness and further destruction of the myelin sheath. And that is not good.

As with all things myelin-related, basically, you present with symptoms that fuck your shit up, and you either get a little better, get worse, or stay the same. Basically the only thing to be done for any of it is IV steroids. But apparently the neuromyelitis optica is one of the myelin disorders that's likely to present new symptoms as time goes by, and get worse.

So.. I've put this out here because I guess I need someone to know that I have to handle this. I've got to get the blood test to see if the marker is there. And I'm scared as fuck.