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Update: best of all possible outcomes, I’m going to stay with my son! When he posted he didn’t know yet where he would be, now he does and the people he’s staying with will be out of town the weekend I’m visiting and they said I could stay with him. Thanks for all the advice - I almost did get as far as making a decision thanks to you guys!

tw brief mention of suicide/loss of child

Illustration for article titled Help me Boston (yes, I verbed a city name) UPDATE

My son is doing an internship in Boston. He’ll be there for 4 more weeks. I was just talking to him on the phone and mentioned how one day I would like to spend more time in Boston than the half day we spent together there when he was about half his current age, and he said why don’t you come out here for a weekend?

I feel like it’s kind of extravagant because right now Cronyboy and I are in a very negative cash flow situation (but we are working on it!). BUT making memories with my kids is very high on my list of priorities. I have already lost one kid to suicide and I am forever regretting that one time I went with that kid to Chicago and only stayed for a day and a half because I had a prior commitment and financial worries. Plus, my son is great and fun to spend time with. And it’s true, I have wanted to spend more time in Boston. So, I just bought a plane ticket!


Now to find a place to stay. Because of the cash flow situation I am actively considering asking a couple of my friends who live in the Boston area if they could put me up for a few nights (Friday through Sunday) but I am not sure of the etiquette of asking for a place to crash at my age. The parties are both I’d say upper middle-class, middle-aged Northeasterners (I am a middle-aged Californian and grew up poor, and I am not sure that I know how to behave socially in all aspects, even at my age).

Friend X is a woman I was close online friends with for a while over 10 years ago, during the year or two after I lost my other son. We had a falling out that was more about our online community than about us two; we have since made up and are cordial in person and online. She lives with hubs and I think they have a guest room.


Friend Y is a man I met and drunkenly hooked up with at a college reunion. We had a brief online flirtation afterward and have since remained cordial (we’ve seen each other several times at college events, he’s even been to Cronyboy’s and my house (the hookup was before I met Cronyboy). Frankly I’m not sure what his living situation is currently, but I’m sure it’s quite comfortable. He is super friendly, outgoing, and helpful, and more likely to say yes. I kind of feel more comfortable about asking him. Maybe that’s weird though. Also, he has kids near my kids’ age so he might understand my need to visit my kid better? IDK.


  1. Is it OK to ask either or both for a place to crash while I visit my son? (I would probably enjoy spending a little time with them too, but my main purpose would be visiting my son.)
  2. Who should I ask first?
  3. How should I phrase the ask? Need to go into financial situation?
  4. Do you have any suggestions for cheap lodging in Boston if I decide not to ask or if neither of them can help?

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