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I'm a bridesmaid for the second time this year. The first time I almost lost a friend over it - I didn't speak to the bride for a year after her wedding because of how she treated me (and the other bridesmaids). Bride 2 knows this, but assured me this time would be totally different. Instead of bridesmaid-ing for a grown-up child who was obsessed with being Princess for a Day, Bride 2 is having a huge traditional wedding paid for by her parents because she has to if she wants to live with her partner. She never cared about getting married, and if she did, she would have eloped. So no way would she be a Bridezilla about this, there would be a lot of freedom, no pressure.

But oh, apparently that somehow means "I will choose the bridesmaid dresses and notify you so you can pay for it"?!

Is this a thing?! I live far away, but I was expecting to at least have the local bridesmaids choose the dress, or engage in some online photo-swapping to choose a dress within a range of dresses the bride liked. No, seriously, when I asked what we will be doing for the dresses, she answered "I've already chosen a dress, It's pretty generic, I'm sure it will look good on everyone. I'll email you soon so you know who to pay."


NO. This dress will NOT look good on me. I am a busty, curvy woman. My arms are the worst, but I can look smokin' in a dress that flatters my shape. Anything that comes in at the waist works, some type of scoop neck (doesn't even need to show cleavage, just shape at the neck), A-line is even better.

THIS DRESS? The collar is a straight line at your collar bone. The arms do a scoop thing around the armpits, an absolute nightmare for bigger women, one that says "hey, everyone look at my not-skinny arms and how they make a great line against the sideboob being squished out the armpit holes here!" (Kind of like imagining a plus sized woman in the photo here, but the neckline is straight instead of curved.) The bottom of the dress is basically a bubble shape around the butt and tight at the knees.

I am so upset I want to cry. I have to pay a few hundred dollars for a dress that I don't want to be caught dead in, let alone be featured in really expensive photos that will be splashed across social media. I am really upset at my friend for being so controlling that there was NO choice for us, and for not even asking what we think of it.


Help me manage this rage. Am I being unfair? Is choosing the bridesmaid dress without input a thing that people do? Do you think she thought she was cutting off conflict at the pass by not giving us a chance to have feedback? She is otherwise a very good friend, but does have a history of being blindingly selfish on occasion and never recognizing it. She hasn't done that in years, though.

I hate being a bridesmaid. I regret this so much, except that I am learning something really valuable here. I think if I ever get married, I'm going to go the Sex and the City route and have my bridesmaids wear all different dresses of their own choosing. Ughhh.

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