So my partner gets cranky when he thinks about going back to work. We’ve been together five years. This isn’t new. Good job or bad job. I can pretty much set my watch by it when, at some point between 11am and 2pm Sunday he begins to think about Monday’s work. It takes an hour or two but the mood passes. Honestly, this isn’t a big deal for me. Although this annoys me sometimes, it’s not much skin off my back. I file is under “Your stress is clearly more unpleasant for you than for me.”
He had the last two weeks off and we spent most of it with friends across the country. On Wednesday he started to think about work. I wasn’t surprised. I saw it coming and knew he’d be snappy, and sighing a lot, and checking his email grumpily, and being a bit short with people at moments.
The only thing different about this time was that I had to watch our good friends and lovely hosts get smacked in the face with it. Now it suddenly it looked less mildly annoying and more genuinely ugly.
In my heart I really always assumed he knew what was up, and let it slide largely for that reason. Watching him with our friends got me to thinking maybe he isn’t aware this happens.
We’re home now. He’s back to work on Monday, and I’m struggling with what I should say, if anything. He didn’t burn any bridges. They are very good friends and have known us for a decade, but I’m embarrassed that allowed this to become a norm in my life (although I’ve never considered it more than a bit annoying before) and I also feel I’ve done him no favours by ignoring it this long. One of my big problems in relationships is my belief that ‘Your Feels are Your Problems. My Feels are My problems.” so sometimes I don’t speak up when I see a partner doing something that might be hurting them or their relationships with others unless my opinion is specifically asked for.
So I feel like I’m a bit broken when it comes to this and I need a bit of human check. Is weird to say “Love, you definitely do this thing. Like, you 100% have always done it. It doesn’t bother me much, because we’re a great pair and have a whole relationship and life together, but shit man you have to check this with others.” Does that sound reasonable?