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it's actually not that middle it's in like the second chapter
it's tentatively called Jane's Game and it is such a young adult novel
content warnings for swearing and teenage drama & a little bit of punk rock
I am able to avoid the thought of Career Day for the remainder of my Sunday. Frankly, I forget about it. Who has time for petty problems like adulthood when there are dragons to slay? Not me is who.
And then it hits me in the face on Monday. Let's be straight here (haha, that was a joke): my school is not small. My school is huge. Nineteen hundred students, baby. Awyeah. Even though we have at least three buildings on campus and only twenty members in the student council, everywhere I looked there was a poster or other propaganda announcing that Career Day was today right after second lunch, and unless I wanted to be a useless nobody loser for the rest of my life forever I had better fucking well show up. Literally everywhere I looked: I had to to tear down several posters from my locker so I could open it. They didn't really have to do this much work to convince me: if it meant I would miss botany I would totes be there and me and Career Day would be BFFS 5EVR. Because 5evr is longer than 4evr. Get it? No? Okay.
I met Caroline outside of Civics and Economics II, although it seemed unlikely she was waiting for me. Jessie was in my class, but she was wasting her time. He doesn't speed in on his fancypants motorcycle until five minutes before the bell, on a good day.
"JANE!" Caroline sounds like she is talking in capital letters. Caroline always sounds like she is talking in capital letters in the morning. It is because this is when she drinks coffee: three-dollar lattes from Starbucks with mocha grande venti coffee black cream sugar mocha. I don't drink coffee. I'm not oldschool hipster either, though: I don't really enjoy tea. I'm 100% Jane, whether by design or by nature, and I drink Orange Juliuses for breakfast. Or whenever I can afford them. You know. Whatever.
Caroline's still talking. Something about Career Day.
"...AND I WASN'T SURE IF WE WOULD GET ALL OF THE POSTERS UP IN TIME..."
For much of last year, Caroline and I would ride to school together. We'd stop by this little strip mall on Holmes, where they had an Orange Julius and a Starbucks right next to each other, like a mixed metaphor for our lives. We would order our respective drinks and talk until school started. We don't do that very often, now. I don't know why. It feels like something happened, but nothing changed. We got older. That was all.
Well, that's not true.
And I cut my hair.
I used to be in love with Caroline. Well, maybe I still am: sometimes I can't tell. Caroline and I used to do everything together, and despite her optimism and terrible politics and heterosexuality, I fell for her hard, like one of those experiments you do in physics that involves a speedometer and an orange. I was also dating my pre-highschool best friend, Brian Adams. We had kissed once or twice, but I wasn't really feeling it. I might have broken up with him, and then Jessie Foster asked me "Do you think she likes me?"
I was all like "Who?"
So maybe I'd revelled in my newfound friendship and brough him along to hang out with me and Caroline a couple of times. But Caroline was mine — he couldn't have her. I didn't say that, though: it would make me sound like a serial killer. Instead I was like "What is this, middle school? Go ask her yourself."
And then he did. And she said yes. And now they're dating.
And that's when I cut my long hair.
Now it sticks up in little spikes and looks fucking metal. And that's when I met Gloria.
So now you know the whole story.
Jessie Foster once told me "Jane Harris, you're angry."
And I said "No, I'm not."
And Jessie said, laughing, "Jane Harris, you're the angriest motherfucker I've ever had the misfortune to meet."
But I don't think that's true. The heart of it is, I'm stagnant. I go to school, I flirt with Gloria, I go home. I practice cello. I go to work. I lie to Brian, I date Brian. I lie to Gloria, I kiss Gloria. I lie to Caroline, I masturbate. Events not necessarily in chronological order.
But it can't stay this way. It's been this way most of last year and all of this summer and all of this year. It can't stay this way. Eventually, something has to fall through. Eventually, something has to break.
I just wish it would hurry up already.
pst can anyone tell me if I am using the tagging system correctly it is my first venture
I would swoon over any possible feedback you deign to give
[also hi my name is Lat]