Welcome To The Bitchery

Hey, you! Get off of my cloud!

I hate that I agreed to letting you move in with me even when I could see our relationship deteriorating before my eyes. You thought we were ready for that, instead it just made us sick of each other and pushed us further apart.

I hate that I still let you move in even when we broke up the day before because you had nowhere else to go and I pitied you and cared too much to let you couch surf for who knows how long. I hate that I deluded myself into thinking we could just be friends.


I hate that I let you seduce me a week later and eventually ended up encouraging the weird FWB bullshit we went through for two months. I needed my space but I felt too sorry for you to push you away the way I should have.

I hate the way you wasted my time and put literally everyone ahead of me, even though you spouted endless crap about me being one of your closest friends and one of the few people to really get you. I hate that we had to have the same damn conversation about how you take me for granted and treat me with a ton of disrespect and yet YOUR BEHAVIOR NEVER CHANGES.

I hate that you had to ruin my family reunion by telling me you suddenly had a new girl and wanted to put some distance between us. Because of course when I need that distance you can't handle it and you need me in your life and you have to climb into bed with me and spoon me and go on "friend" dates to see movies and eat out. But now you're totes hunky dory so I have to step off.

I hate that when we were together, you acted like I was the crazy jealous girlfriend for being weirded out by all your numerous and super intimate friendships with attractive women. I hate that you broke my trust over and over again and flipped out at me for feeling uncomfortable instead of just trying to pacify me and show me that you care about me most of all. Because of course that would have been a lie. I was never your number one.


So whoopdy fucking doo that you're learning from your mistakes with me and making sure this new girl feels appreciated and special by estranging me and presumably your other close lady friends.

I hate that it took MONTHS of us dating in secret and sneaking around everyone you knew before you could comfortably call me your girlfriend, whereas this new chick who's been around for a week is suddenly your girlfriend according to your best bud.


I hate that I agreed to working with said best bud on a creative project that you're closely associated with as well and now I might have to pull out because just being around people that remind me of you pisses me the fuck off.

I hate that when I told you I'm done being your friend because you're a toxic fucking jerk and you make me feel shitty and inadequate and you're just no good for me, you broke down and tried to make me feel bad for giving you the very same distance you fucking asked for, you hypocritical piece of shit.


I hate that you're probably confiding in this girl about me the same way you ranted about your older exes to me. I hate that I'm thinking hateful angry disgusting thoughts towards this random girl. I hate that I had to block her on Facebook because she was going through your pictures and liking ones I had you tagged in. I hate that she's thinner than me and has clear skin and nice hair. I hate her and I don't even know her and I hate that fact.

I hate that you're already dating someone and I probably won't have a random hookup let alone a serious relationship for fucking ever because I can't trust people anymore and I feel too shitty and ugly and fat and generally terrible about myself to even try.


I loved you so much and for so long and you just never quite reciprocated. And now I hate you more than I've hated any other ex and I hate that. I didn't want to become like your other bitter angry exes who you feel are crazy bitches now yet somehow still miss talking to them. And yet here I am, wanting you to fall on your face or step in dog shit or have this girl dump you in a few weeks and then you can be alone and miserable like I am.

I hate that I keep thinking of the nice times and the cute things you said to me and the inside jokes we made and any time I accidentally say something you used to say my mood gets instantly sour.


I hate that I sit in my car singing to "You Oughta Know" even when it's not playing on the radio. I know all the words and I fucking mean them. It's such a cliche break up song but IT'S NOT FAIR TO DENY ME OF THE CROSS I BEAR THAT YOU GAVE TO ME.

Most of all I hate that all of your shit is still in my house and it's everywhere and the middle room in my apartment smells like you and this heavy ass box you left in the car trunk is still there and I can't fucking move it myself and I sure as hell don't want to ask you for help, fuck you very much. And yet you're going to have to be here for days upon days eventually to get all this crap out. I'm not allowing your new girlfriend in because FUCK HER. You have guy friends, I know they exist.


I hate that I have to see your sad mopey and unfortunately good looking face here to get all this shit out. I really just want to toss everything on the sidewalk or dump it at your parents' house, but despite how much I HATE YOUR GUTS I'm not an evil person and I'll still be decent and accommodating even though god knows you don't deserve my niceness anymore.

I hate how you've filled me so much hate and anger and bitterness and you're riding the wave of awesome (new girlfriend, new job, getting in shape— oh, go fuck yourself). I'm so angry and resentful I can't even see the good stuff I have going on right now. I finally got a steady paying job on a film shoot for a month and I should be overjoyed, but instead I'm treating it as a distraction to get over your worthless ass.


Everyone I rant about you to tells me it'll get better and hell I know it will because I would tell someone in my position the same thing. That time heals everything, that I just need to focus on work and friendship and enjoying my singlehood. But until the healing process can work its funky magic I am stuck here seething every time I have to navigate my apartment through your boxes of garbage. So the sooner you get this crap out of here, the sooner you can get out of my life, the better.

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