Hi Guise!

I have honestly missed you so much! I know I can get to you from my cell phone and my computer, but these past weeks have been rough! I talk to the Doctor almost all day, everyday via text message...but even then I sleep part of the day and he gets fun parts of the day where I'm rather slow.

Yesterday (Sunday), I drafted a really self-important post... This one may be a self-important post in a different way:

-Today is my 30th Birthday! I honestly enjoy getting older. Whether or not I get any smarter in reality is debatable, but I know I learn more about myself each year.

-I am having a microvascular decompression on Wednesday morning in the hospital. I have Trigeminal Neuralgia and this surgery should drastically improve my quality of life. I'm starting a new decade of my life, hopefully feeling better than I have in 6 years! That's pretty fucking big!

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-My ex-husband and I, who were together for 8 years, decided to get divorced. Well, he decided, but I will never be able to express my gratitude to him for making that decision. I would have have stuck that marriage out until one of us died. We would have both hated each other by then. We are not "officially divorced"- as far as ex-husbands go, he kinda kicks ass at it sometime. He's waiting to file our final divorce papers until my surgery is over and I'm out of the hospital so that I will have both his private insurance and my Medicare.

-I have a great neurosurgeon, live near a hospital that specializes in neurosurgery and am lucky to have insurance that will cover the procedure and my hospital stay. I am so fortunate to be able to have this procedure. I cannot fathom how awful it would be to know this might help and be unable to afford it. When I thought about this fact I realized that my "woe is me" was bullshit. I'm fucking lucky as fuck.

-Year 29 of my life, Groupthink and my divorce brought me to Doctor Bright Eyes (Doctor Whom?). I'm not sure I have to elaborate. Well, yes, I do: he's moving across country the country to be with me. He's amazing... Like amazing, amazing.

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-My parents had a birthday party for me Saturday night. They cleaned for two days, worked in the yard, bought good and snacks, drinks and a birthday cake...all so I could have 4 friends come over. Four friends came over on Saturday *and* gave me presents. More about my parents in a moment.

-My little brother drove in from out of town to come to my "party" and see me. He's coming back Wednesday so he'll be here when I wake up from surgery.

-My best friend (aside from the Doctor, of course) is driving down Tuesday night to spend the night and go with us to the hospital at 4:45 am. She will probably be back over the weekend.

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-My parents... I think I originally was complaining about them treating like it was my last week on earth... But that's not specific to right now. They spoil me and have forever. My Mom has taken 2 weeks off of work to stay with me every second at the hospital and then care for me once I come home. My dad will be there, too. I too easily forget how very lucky I am to have them both and their insane, almost smothering, parental love.

-Groupthink: I have said it before, but GT will always be one of the biggest gifts life gave me. Meeting the Doctor here is part of that and am I ever lucky that somehow the world/stars/our lives aligned long enough for us to meet. But GT is home. It's an emotional home base, a security blanket, friends when you don't have any (or better friends than the ones that you have). I will never tire of saying that GT saved my life and meaning it from the bottom of my heart. I had 1 friend that I saw maybe once every 3 months. My ex and I were more and more apparently becoming people who tolerated one another out of love. The pain from my Trigeminal Neuralgia was awful... Like awful, awful. You guys helped me get through everything- helped me live through the pain. Nothing I can write will ever be enough to thank GT for that gift.

So, yeah, guys... I've got it pretty fucking good in life. I am scared, but I have Xanax, a boyfriend, a family and even my ex called me today slow my worry.

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My surgery should be done no later than 11 CST. I'm sure the Doctor will be soothing his nerves around here (and with a Castle marathon).

I'd like to keep track of the hospital stay and recovery on my kinja... But be prepared, it may actually be grandiosely self-important! :P

So I love y'all and I will be back as soon as I can!

(Instead of "happy birthdays" or "good lucks" can we talk about amazing things y'all are thankful for or hilarious stories? Bad experience with brain surgery... Keep it shut!)

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<3 RBE