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Illustration for article titled Hi, Lets talk about how Gale needs to sit down

Look at poor Gale Hawthorne. So his girlfriend was sent off to a death match, where she had to kill other children and teenagers to survive. Was Gale thinking "Man, I hope she's okay?" OH NO, Gale is all like "HOW DOES THIS AFFECT ME?" With those jealous looks and guilt trips. "GEEZ, KATNISS, I KNOW YOU WERE ALL HACKED WITH KNIVES AND STUNG BY TRACKER JACKS, BUT YOU KISSED THAT GUY. YOU KISSED THAT GUY." And he felt all justified thinking, "Man, that Katniss is a jerk. Here i was all nice to her and loyal to her and she just goes and sluts it up in the Hunger Games with the first guy that she meets."


And she felt bad because even Katniss couldn't escape her douchey boyfriend. Her clingy douchey boyfriend. Now if Katniss was in a different context, maybe and did something like go to Wellesley or move to a big city or just like stay and NATURALLY AGE, we'd all be like "GALE, MOVE ON. HIGH SCHOOL IS OVER." Instead people are like "Y IS TRUE LOVE NOT FOREVER?" It's not. Damnit, you are very likely not going to marry that person you met at 14. Holding onto shit like that makes you sound like that Matthew McConaughey character from Dazed and Confused.

So the moral of this story is: TAKE A SEAT, GALE HAWTHORNE AND MOVE ON.

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