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Hive Mind Help! Ant Massacre

Illustration for article titled Hive Mind Help! Ant Massacre

Summer. The lovely time of year when insects and creepy crawlys come out in full force. Generally speaking, I hate every last one of them, and turn into a scared little bitch in their presence. But these little bastards have pushed me too far. I am no longer frightened. My issue? Ants. God damn little ants! Please hive mind, I need you all to share you ant prevention/murder tips, stat! These buggers are making me crazy!


I'm no expert, but if I'm correct, I think the specific type of ant I'm dealing with is the carpenter ant. Those big, ugly, fat black ants? Yep, those little bastards. It's not like I'm being overrun by them or anything, but no matter how much poison I lay, or how many I kill, these fuckers keep coming back! It certainly doesn't help that my neighbor's backyard looks like a god damn forest, overgrown and hanging over half my roof. They seem to be contained to the bathroom, kitchen and main room, all of which are attached and are where the door/entranceway is.

They are making me crazy though, I swear. It's their new tactic; slowly drive me to the brink of ant stalking insanity. When I spot and kill one, I'm so obsessed that I just sit down calmly and stare at the floor, quiet and still, just waiting to spot any signs of movement, signs of another ant sauntering into my kill zone... then BAM! Squashed!


But I seriously need something more effective than slowly stalking and killing them one by one, and this shitty Ant-B-Gon Max! that doesn't seem to be doing dick. I really don't want to have to use poison because of my dog. I've only been able to use the Ant-B-Gon Max sparingly, and in places the dog can't get to/sniff/lick, so I haven't been able to saturate my living room, corner to corner. I have put plenty behind appliances, behind the shoe rack, window sills, etc. as well as outside the front door. But, it's just not doing it because these ants-b-goin' nowhere.

Since my fellow GT'ers are such a brilliant bunch of crazies, I ask you all to share your ant killing secrets, techniques and war plans! Any ideas or input would be appreciated! The great ant war of 2013 is officially on.

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