So, I volunteered to make Thanksgiving dinner.

It'll basically be me, my mom and grandma, with a chance of my sister and brother-in-law making an appearance. Mom doesn't eat turkey (and can't cook anyway) so it's on me to make it.

I've never made a turkey before.

I can cook as it is, so I'm sure I'll figure it out once I have some basis for what the fuck I'm doing.

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I'm already good with side dishes and everything, it's just the turkey. And it needs to be as plain (yet as delicious) as possible because mom and grandma don't like flavored things. I don't...whatever. The point is it needs to be simple.

Please help.

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The only thing I know about cooking turkey is that you have to cook it for like 10 hours.*

*Kidding. I know it's closer to 24 hours.