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Welcome To The Bitchery

It's a pretty short list, honestly. Actually, with the exception of the very first one, I don't think any of them are actually worse than Halloween — they're just other days I don't like.

Hanukah — aka The Worst Holiday Ever, aka An Infinitely Shittier Version of Christmas. There is nothing good about this holiday. NOTHING. It's like someone took Christmas and decided to remove every single good thing about it. I will hate Hanukah until the end of my days. I would literally rather shoot myself in the testicles than force my children to have Hanukah but no Christmas (yes, I am still bitter about this, and I always will be).

Fourth of July — This might not actually be that bad in most places...but it is in DC, when I had to explain to my mother every year that NO, I didn't want to deal with the hellmare of getting down to the mall to sit in 100 degree heat with 1000 % humidity just to watch some lights in the sky. Fireworks are not impressive, Mom. We have the internet now.

Mother's Day — Ok, this is actually not a bad holiday, it's just the single-worst day of the year if you work in a restaurant. Generally you'll make money, but you'll want to shoot yourself for the entire shift (and you're probably working a double). People are incredibly unreasonable about the fact that you're going to run out of a lot of items, not because of poor planning, but because you can only store so much food in one restaurant and YES, MOTHER'S DAY IS THAT BUSY. After I started working in restaurants I told my mother in no uncertain terms that while I was more than happy to take her out for Mother's Day to anywhere she wanted to go, we weren't doing it on Mother's Day itself, because NO.

Veteran's Day — This is a weird entry here, and is only a bad day if you work as a server for McCormick and Schmick's. See, McCormick's does a thing where any US Military personnel get a free entree on Veteran's Day. Sounds great in principle, right? Yeah, unfortunately, people see the $5 check (or $0, if you're really unlucky) and a lot of them tip based on that $0-10. Meaning you do all the work of a normal day, but walk out with $40 on a double. Awesome.

Arbor Day — Because fuck trees, those shifty wooden bastards.

Columbus Day — Obvious reasons.


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