There's been some timely body image posts around these parts. Timely, because it's been on my mind more so than usual for the last couple days (if it's not on my mind, I'm either super busy or asleep) due to being out in the publics more than I normally am.
This is not (purely) because I'm a beardy weirdy recluse, but because I am out on clinicals at the moment*, and I feel a bit like Hagrid would if he wandered into the Shire. I'm really aware of how much space I take up, and how I look while I'm taking up that space.
Then I saw this, and had a little epiphany (NSFW by the way). I realised I'm more or less ALWAYS standing and moving like the right hand side images. I'm always badly lit (toilets are lit so you can see the spinach in your teeth, not to for glamour), a little stressed (hello everything I don't know about taking care of patients!), and badly dressed (these uniforms are a no-stretch thick cotton, cut like they were based off a stick person drawing of a shirt, and hair has to be all bunned up).
So today, I am going to work on my posture. Not to the extent of bending like a noodle in the left images, but basic shoulders back, head up, pelvis level stuff instead of hunching with my head sort of forward and my pelvis tilted forwards. I am doing it right now, and I feel better already. Now I've relaxed, and I can feel how much my 'normal' is actually a slumpy mess.
Hopefully it will make me look more confident, which will make me feel more confident, which will make me not feel like I need to call a time out and go sit in the corner to collect myself about a dozen times in the shift (yesterday i came home whacked, as I spent the shift running to catch up to myself and my 'goals' for the day were left as a mocking heap on the floor).
*Well, not RIGHT NOW, as that would be highly unprofessional of me - right now I am still in my jammies drinking a DC at home because I am on a late shift today. Ahem.