I have got to get out of my parents’ house. I miss my stuff. I almost cried in the middle of Williams-Sonoma today, thinking about a margarita salter I own that’s tucked away somewhere in a box above the garage. I haven’t thought about that thing since I packed it, but I missed it, genuinely, today. I need to buy my own house.

I have my heart set on a craphole. My mother has already dubbed it a money pit. It’s beautiful and perfect and I love it and I just filled out a worksheet to determine how much it will take to make it livable and it’s double what all the mortgage calculators say I can afford.

I need grants. I need, like, a whole mess of grants. Is it rude to Kickstarter/goFundme one’s personal home improvement projects? Like, “Hey guys, I need to replace all the plumbing in this house because the pipes burst a few winters ago, and then I need to replace the sheetrock because the water stuck around and got, like, wicked moldy. Who wants to help a girl out???” Or “Mice chewed through a bunch of the wires in the walls, in their panic to get away from the moldy water, so I have to rewire the whole place. Who wants a friendship bracelet Tier 2 prize??” I’ve decided that if/when I buy this place, I’ll go through it, throw out what’s unuseable, and almost immediately have a tag sale with stuff that’s still good, but I don’t want. There will also be a bake sale element, and a “tips welcome” jar, wherein people can give money just because they’re encouraged I’m fixing up an eyesore. That’s not cool, though, is it? Ugh. Asking for money sucks. It’ll totally be worth it, of course, when my beautiful storybook house gets out of my head & the whole world can see it.

I know energy efficiency grants are out there. Has anyone used them? I go to the government page, and it tells me about a lot of them, that I can’t get directly because I am not a company. Where do I find the companies that are doling them out? Has anyone written a grant request before? I don’t want to sound like an amateur because I have completely forgotten how to write technically.

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Because I want to do this in my house.

That I live in. By myself because I am an Adult. And instead of money falling, I want it to be still air because there’s no drafts from the holes the critters/time has made.