My favorites:

“Open Floor Plan”

What it usually means: An architectural plan in which the various spaces of the home connect to one another rather than being separated by walls.

What it means on HGTV: The only possible form of home design, and 100% necessary for entertaining guests and watching children.


“Fixer Upper”

What it usually means: A property that needs some renovations to get it to a livable condition.

What it means on HGTV: A godforsaken hellhole filled with knob-and-tube wiring and mold everywhere. Alternatively, a perfect reasonable home that just doesn’t have granite.


But seriously, why is an open floor plan literally the only acceptable floor plan, regardless of the style of home? Sometimes I want to be able to shut the door and pretend the mess in the kitchen/playroom doesn’t exist, dammit! And if one more of you plans to take out walls in a Victorian home to make your dream Scandinavian kitchen, I’m going to come to your house and haunt you.