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Hospital stays, gynecological woes, and paternalism

Monday night, I went to the ER with a fever and severe abdominal and back pains. I had been ignoring worsening pains throughout the day, chalking them up to extreme period symptoms. Once the fever hit, though, I couldn't ignore them anymore.

With a couple of pelvic exams and a vaginal probe ultrasound to confirm, turns out I have two uterine fibroids, one of which is quite large and necrotic, causing both the pain throughout my body and fever as my system reacted to the dying tissues.


Now, none of this requires surgery (at the moment), and after IV antibiotics and pain meds, I'm feeling much better, if not weak. All my doctors and nurses were friendly, and overall, it was a good experience, though one I hope to never repeat.

The one thing that really bothered me, though, was what happened when the conversation turned to long-term options, the most extreme being removal of the uterus if the fibroids and pain continue to get worse.

I don't want kids, so this was not the worse news to hear; I'm not jumping for any kind of major surgery, but if down the line that turned out to be the best option, I wouldn't be too upset about it, and I made all of this clear to each doctor and nurse I talked with.

Yet every time I said this, I got the same variation of "you're young, people change their minds, I'd hate for you to regret this decision in 10 years, what if you meet Mr. Right and he wants kids?" blah blah blah


Look, I get it, for a lot of people, 28 is an age where they're still having fun and exploring life, and kids aren't really on the radar, but I'm not one of them. My desire to NOT have kids has only grown more steadfast as I've gotten older, not less so. It's not your decision to make sure I don't regret mine, and goddamn it, "Mr. Right" for me would not be someone who wants kids. If I were a 28 year old man wanting a vasectomy, no one would question me at the slightest, and I already have 35 as the year I have my tubal ligation. I don't need all these women (and they were ALL women) telling me what I do or do not want in terms of my reproductive choices.

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