Welcome To The Bitchery
Welcome To The Bitchery
This is a platform for User Generated Content. G/O Media assumes no liability for content posted by Kinja users to this platform.

Hot girl problems, fitting in, and the patriarchal bargain

Illustration for article titled Hot girl problems, fitting in, and the patriarchal bargain

Hi, I'm Korra, and many people consider me attractive. I am learning to agree with them. I am also learning how to define my boundaries, and to demand respect regardless of how others see my body. And I have questions:

Jezzies, forgive me for sounding annoying or full of myself or whatnot, but how does one deal with constant flirts? Or men who are just too darn nice to you because they find you fuckable or adorable? Sometimes I just give in to the patriarchal bargain even though it makes me feel sleezy, because saying no all the time is exhausting and sometimes it's nice to get free shit and have people be nice to you, regardless of their motives.


For example, I have done my fair share of browsing for sex toys and the like in NY, and while they aren't on the whole as clean or as new or as women-friendly as the shops staffed by women, sex toy shops staffed by men are more likely to give me %30 off my purchase if I enter alone. Yes, the dudes are leery and I know they're only selling me this dildo cheaply because they want to imagine me using it, but the joke's on them because I actually got the better end of the deal while all they got is pathetic masturbation fodder and half a chubby.

Of course it's nice to be treated like you're special: like you're beautiful or smart or charming- but likr most people I would like that to be based on my all around awesomeness instead of simply my fuckability. It's part of the reason I'm not out as bi at work~ not that I think I'll be bullied, but because I worry about all the extra male attention it'll bring me. I'm already the youngest person at work, the second newest, and one of the few girls.


I also try not to cry or appear vulnerable, which is backfiring on me because I actually am a very emotional person who has fucked up her back and who also happens to go through really bad PMS every month. Yesterday I fucked up badly and even though my boss wasn't really mad and everyone said "shit happens, just be more careful next time" my hands started shaking and I couldn't stop crying, which made them more tender with me which made me want to cry harder. And then I kept dropping and forgetting shit all evening and I locked myself out of my apartment today. And men kept being all nice to me and offering to help me and buying me things and not firing me and shit. Someone bought me a flower and asked me to dance.

People like damsels in distress, and I hate hate hate being a damsel, but sometimes I am in distress. And there are certainly times in my life where I'm not considered attractive enough to warrant any protection or affection at all. So is it wrong to accept (or rather not refuse) special treatment? How do I keep it from going too far? Is it ok to accept things if I make it clear beforehand that I am neither interested nor obligated to flirt back?

Share This Story

Get our newsletter