So, this happened. There was a woman ahead of me in line at the gas station. Fairly typical woman in maybe her mid-sixties. The college kid working the register had pins for all the customers who were members of their stupid rewards club. He obviously had just learned what demographics were, because he explained whilst sorting through the basket that different people got different pins. He eventually emerged with a button, handed it over with a huge grin, and said, "Here! I found the old lady button! Old people like this one best!" He was so proud of himself for correctly identifying this, you guys. I can't tell you how proud.

And then the realization of the thing that he said to this woman dawned on him. Instead of being mortified quietly and finishing his transaction, he decided to fix things. Here, in all their glory, are the things he said to this woman, as closely as I can recall them:

I didn't mean you were old!

You must have kids my age!

You've still got it!

Your skin looks fantastic!

You look great!

I can see myself with someone like you!

I shit you not, guys, it was one of the most beautifully brutal foot insertions I've ever seen. This woman just nodded and smiled and let him carry on. I figured the dude had probably learned his lesson and didn't punish him further because he was twelve shades of red when I hit the counter. I just...God. Really? Really?