I figured I should tell you all how it went down with the ex boss/boyfriend.
I choose to go to the party. I did get a hair cut, I actually cut off most of my hair which I love. I tend to just let my trusted hairdresser do whatever they want and it always turns out well.
The party was so fantastic. I kinda forget that I am good at what I do and that I know a fair amount of people. If I wasn't so damned insecure, I'd probably do a lot better. Basically, I couldn't walk more than 2 steps without running into someone I know who wanted to stop and talk to me. It was great to catch up.
I ran into my former co-worker who was delighted to see me and used it as an excuse to get away from work for a bit. (It was a working event, party mixed with selling stuff.) We talked for awhile, he bought me a drink, I met more people.
Honestly, it was going so well.
And this is part where normally things go bad and I fuck up, but it didn't happen.
I stopped at the former work table to pick up some stuff from former clients and my ex was being himself, not working the table but playing on his phone. When you run a table, you don't play on your phone, you stand and you engage people. Once I got there I talked to my co-worker and my ex started to pull things out of his bag to show me. New gadgets, I took them looked at them briefly and put them back on the table. The longest exchange was "that's nice." "That's good you can modify it." My other thought was, I could build this better and less ugly.
He moved on to talking about all these great projects and I nodded not asking follow up questions. I started to talk to my co-worker again, because I was more interested in what they had to say.
I felt nothing. Not numb. Not happy. Not overly polite. I didn't act polite because I was suppose to be. I was polite and disinterested and I felt that way. Before the event, I was so worried that I'd start making out with him, and nope that didn't even cross my mind. Not even a little. The only thing was a brief moment of missing the kind of work we do. Actually, that was worse than being dumped. Being dumped sucks, but it's better in the long run. Having to leave that job broke my heart. I spent more time mourning that opportunity than any person I've dated. But I knew I had to go because it would ruin me.
My former co-worker mentioned a new project I am working on, and my ex got really excited about it and surprised I was doing it. I spoke very simply about it, no details saying it was proprietary knowledge. He changed the subject super quickly, to talk about his big project, I nodded and went back to talking to my former colleague.
I left went to talk to other people and came back to say by to my colleague, hugged them and left.
I did it. I interacted with my ex boss/boyfriend and it was okay.