I sat on grass in a minute of folly and found my legs SWARMED WITH ANTS. I can't see them but I know they're there. I can feel their little disgusting insect legs creeping all over me. My idea is that if I rub my butt hard enough against the chair they will be squished, but they are NOT COMPLYING BY DYING. Instead, they are running around all willy nilly going YEAH! FUN RUN!

HOW DO I GET THEM OUT. THE TOILET IS REALLY FAR. I'D HAVE TO WALK. IS IT ACCEPTABLE TO TAKE MY PANTS OFF IN PUBLIC?

Now they are on my back. I AM SHAKING THEM OFF AS HARD AS I CAN AND STOMPING

I have to go to the bathroom don't I. Sigh. Why isn't it acceptable to take off your pants in public to kill the living daylights out of ants

LIVE UPDATES:

(after trying to maintain a normal facade while stomping extra hard on the long walk to the bathroom)

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12.38 PM I am in the bathroom, pantless. I peeled off my ridiculously clingy skinny jeans and smacked them as hard as I could against the wall. It sounds like some kinky BDSM shit going on with loads of scratching

12.40 PM I CAN'T SEE YOU BUT I KNOW YOU ARE THERE

12.44 PM I WILL WAIT HERE UNTIL YOU ALL LEAVE. EVERY. LAST. ONE. THE KATMELON RIDE IS OVER!111

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12.55 PM Is it weird to type in the bathroom stall