I've been pondering starting CBT for quite a while. I've always dealt with low level anxiety and depression, which before becoming part of GT, I had assumed was just me "not trying hard enough" in some way. Seeing everyone deal with their own issues has really helped me realize that it is ok if I want to deal with my own, even if I have to work past thinking of them as not important enough to warrant help.

Things have gotten particularly bad in my anxiety that I have stopped dealing with parts of my business. I haven't filed some sales taxes and it takes me days to get back to clients, not to mention finishing pieces. I have an order from early January that I still haven't started. Something in my brain just flipped around the Christmas rush and I either give no fucks or I am panicking, but unable to do anything useful (and therefore depressed because of my shitty lack of effort.)

I don't think hedgehim has really noticed a difference and I haven't really talked to him about it. I've rarely talked to him about any of my issues. Most of my depressive episodes last for an evening where I just cannot get out of a funk due to random worries about future/finances/my job. I can't get out of my head for an evening. By the next morning, I'm usually ok (and I can even think to myself "that was silly!"), so I don't want to worry him when I know I'll be ok by the next day.

The problem is, now that I'm taking a step to improve myself, I feel like he will see it like it came from no where. I'm anxious that he won't be supportive or he'll be hurt that I didn't try to rely on him more. He is a classic "problem solver" who wants to help but doesn't always understand that some issues aren't easy to fix. (The classic "well, just do it/get over it" kind of advice.)

Basically, I am getting anxious about telling him about going to therapy, even though I know I want to do it. I feel like the GT community can understand where I'm coming from, but I just don't think he'll get it.

Advertisement

Also, any advice for a first therapy session? I really like the idea of CBT because it seems structured (with homework!) and I feel like I was at my productive peak when I was in school. Is this assumption silly?