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How do you "date casually"?

I guess I don’t really understand this concept? I’d like to, though.

I’ve never been the type to keep wanting to see someone if I’m not extremely into them, and when I’m really into someone, I have a hard time holding back my feelings. I don’t feel attracted to very many people, I’m very particular and picky and my tastes don’t really coincide with the area I live in. I like soft-spoken, gentle, politically left, intelligent guys who have an introverted side to them, are developed in terms of emotional maturity, have some drive to help other people, and enjoy the arts. These dudes have been few and far between in Dallas, TX from my experience. And, if I catch even a hint of childishness or that “I don’t really know who I am or what I want so I’m just bumming around and doing whatever hoping it will fall on me out of the sky” I tend to NOPE the fuck out of there pretty quickly.

Anyway. The point is, when I meet a guy I’m very interested in, I tend to be all in. I’m not interested in “just hanging out” or keeping things loose and nonexclusive. My heart gets caught up quickly, it’s very much an all-or-nothing deal. Like, I really really like you or I’m not at all interested in going on. I dated a guy a few years ago who I really liked, and it was like we were both in that place of seeming really into it and then I found out he was also seriously dating another woman and it totally broke my heart. We hadn’t had any kind of an explicit commitment talk so he was free to do whatever he wanted but I couldn’t understand spending so much time with me and being able to do the same with someone else.


I guess I chalk it up to the fact that I know who I am pretty well and I know what I need and what I will and won’t tolerate in a relationship, and I tend to figure out relatively quickly if I’m gelling with a guy and don’t want to waste my time or his if it’s not going somewhere. I broke up with someone I was seeing last summer because he told me he never wanted to have a kid or get married again, and he was really pissed off that I ended it after a month over something like that, but seriously, what the hell would we be doing? Playing house?

And, casual sex is not enjoyable for me for many reasons. I can’t sleep with someone I don’t really trust or know on an emotionally intimate level.

I guess I say all of this because sometimes I think it would be fun to try to date just for fun at some point, probably not anytime terribly soon still, but, like...am I missing something here? What does casual dating mean to you? What do you feel like you get out of it? Am I misunderstanding the whole concept?

As a side note, I’m still pretty committed to singleness for awhile. I’m not interested in getting back out there until I’ve healed up some.

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