Help....I have never ever had to tell a roommate that they can't live here any more. Let me start by saying that I'm lucky and privileged. I live in a place where housing costs are relatively low. I bought a house several years ago and refinanced last year. My mortgage payment is now less than the rent I was paying on a one bedroom apartment seven years ago. I can afford to live alone and did for several years. My savings rate will be slower (well not really...more on that in a minute) than if I had a roommate that payed rent, but I can meet my bills and live alone as I have for the most of the last 10 years.
Last November, a friend of mine who was thirty was back living at home. She complained about her parents were treating her like a teenager. How she couldn't bring her girlfriend home with her because her parents were uncomfortable with her sexuality. Assuming that she was able to behave like an adult, I said "I have an extra room that you could rent if you needed to move out. It will help me pay off some things and jumpstart my savings." We got through Christmas and negotiated a payment that was more than fair for her (less than fair for me, but I was trying to be helpful.) I cleaned out my spare room and she moved in, in January. Almost 10 months ago now. In that time, she's paid rent 5 times. Last time she paid rent was August 2nd. Before that, it was May 30th. The reason she paid me on August 2nd was because on July 29th, I sent her an email giving her three choices. None of which were eviction all of which were designed to be more fair to me, but nice to her.
1. Pay me the rent.
2. Pay me part of the rent and we'll work it out for the rest.
3. At least tell me, you can't pay me.
This week, it will be 2 months since the last time she paid me. Two months since I mentioned it and offered her choices. She seems to have money to do whatever she wants to do. (Spent a couple of hundred dollars on black milk stuff and went to dragon con.) She doesn't buy laundry detergent, dish detergent, trash bags, or any of the things that are required to run a household. She just uses mine so my cost for those things has doubled. I find myself doing the dishes that she leaves in the sink. She breaks my things and doesn't tell me about it, but the straw that has broken the camel's back is coming home to find a large spot that has been bleached out in my wall to wall carpet upstairs hallway. (I bought a townhouse type place). Not an apology, Not an explanation. Not anything. No mention at all.
Quite frankly, at this point, I'm hesitant to call her my friend. A friend wouldn't treat another friend like this. I didn't think when I offered her a place to stay that I was acquiring a 28 year old teenaged dependent that I can't even take off on my taxes. I assumed that she would be like all the other roommates that I've had in the past that paid their share of everything on time. Sure I sometime wound up doing their dishes or they ate my last piece of cheese, but we were partners in this endeavor. When it was time to move on, we just moved on. No questions or debts left between us.
So that brings me to the question part of this exercise. How do I evict her? What do I say to her? How should I handle this with our mutual friends? Should I assume that I am going to lose them too? Do I tell them why I'm evicting her? I'm so uncomfortable doing this, but I don't feel that I have been given much of a choice with this. While I can afford to support myself, I can't really afford to support two people.
ETA: Suggestion was made that I add this to my original post. I've discovered since she moved in that she has a bit of a temper. She yells and get mad for some of the most ridiculous reasons. I do not like confrontation so this makes me uncomfortable.