Last night I had a conversation with a friend who finally admitted that the more red flags a guy has, the more she likes them. Most of the men she’s dated have been drug addicts, habitual liars, sociopaths, abusive (physically and psychologically), and just generally horrible people.
The conversation started because she told me that this latest guy has stressed her out so much that she couldn’t sleep last night. She’s only been seeing him maybe 2 months and they’ve already gotten into a number of fights about how much he texts an exgirlfriend of his. Am I wrong to think that they should still be in the honeymoon phase at this point?
Last night he told her about another ex girlfriend who he is “worried he’ll sleep with” while she’s in town over summer. Instead of noping the fuck out of there like a normal human, my friend is digging her heels in even further and says she’s going to “try to make this work”. She’s using the excuse that he didn’t say he was “for sure going to sleep with her, he’s just worried he might”.
I honestly don’t know what to do. I’m trying to be supportive but she needs to DUMP THIS GUY like yesterday. She has this bizarre idea in her head that the more obstacles a relationship has, the better it can be in the long run. I told her that where everyone else sees red flags, she sees “stuff to work on”. She says “all relationships take work”. It is a literally insane way of thinking. It’s like she’s taken the idea that your relationship isn’t going to be perfect to it’s most extreme and negative end. She thinks enormous amounts of fighting and drama is normal in relationships.
My other friend who hooked them up actually apologized to her last night for introducing the two of them because the guy is that fucked up. My other friend didn’t realize it because she hasn’t spent a lot of time with him.
I’m inclined to just take a step back and stop talking to her about the guy but I don’t want her to feel isolated. The last time me and my friends gave up on trying to get her to dump someone, she was trapped in an abusive relationship for 6 years. I don’t want to see that happen to her again.
I told her to talk to her therapist about the issues they are having but honestly, I think she’s either lying to her or not telling her everything she tells me. Every time she comes away from the therapist, she has another fight with the guy and claims their “conversation” was really good for their relationship.
Is there anything I can do to help her see the light on this? I can’t sit back and see her go through this again.