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How to impress your co-workers

So since last week’s issues with leg spasms I have been walking on eggshells - well, not literally, but I have been trying to be careful. You wouldn’t think putting one foot in front of the other would be that difficult for an adult, but there you go. I have found that my legs are more likely to start cramping if I walk very quickly, or if I am carrying something heavy (or doing both at the same time). Last night I had to move some furniture around (long story) and, although I had help, I think it put more strain on my knees and legs than I had allowed for, so I was sore this morning. And I went out to lunch today (a rare treat for me) so walked briskly to the bistro, had my lunch, then noticed that I would be late getting back to the office so walked even more briskly in order to get back and relieve the person at the desk.

All this brisk walking ... might not have been a good move. I was on the desk for an hour and I could feel my calves getting tighter and tighter. Once my desk shift was over I went into the back room, took two muscle relaxants, put a blanket on the floor and got myself down there with my legs propped up against the wall, higher than my head. I was trying to relieve the pressure and keep the blood from pooling and that was all I could think of to do. The floor is a fairly squalid place to be so I was staring into space, trying not to think about what might be on the floor next to me, when I heard the door open. I had stashed myself where I figured I would not be visible, but our newest part-timer came round the corner, saw me lying on the floor, and yelped.


I explained that I was all right and what was wrong with my legs that I was trying to fix, but at that point I felt that lying on the floor really wasn’t setting a good example, so I had to get to my feet, which is not something I can accomplish with grace and aplomb these days. Plus I farted twice while I was trying to do it.

I am such a loser.

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