When I searched google images for office-related pictures, this lady came up.

She sure looks happy to be typing! Unfortunately, I recently started a new job, and my experience so far has been more like this:

I've never had an office job before, not really. I was a TA in grad school, and I thought that would have prepared me for this, but so far I'm having a really hard time. I'm working as a legal assistant for a bankruptcy attorney. The office is really cool, and my boss is nice, but I'm starting to see some major issues with him, and with the position. I'm pretty worried and I have to do well because this job pays really well, and I'm trying to save up to move out of my mother's place. But the stress is starting to get to me.

Here are the things I'm worried about:

1. My boss is rarely in the office (he's usually in court) but when he is, the atmosphere there gets totally manic. He is just running around, grabbing the phone every time it rings, then he rudely puts people on hold (he just says "hold!" not "can I put you on hold?"), then he starts sweating and acting all panicky, and trying to help like four clients at once. I try to go for the phone, and he's like, "No, I've got them." Well, no, you don't, buddy! You are acting like a madman. This man is gonna die from a heart attack, likely right in the middle of the office. It stresses me out!

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2. The woman who is training me hates me :( She thinks I'm an idiot and she makes it pretty clear.

3. Did I mention that only women work in the office? His entire staff, one young attorney and eight legal assistants, are all women between the ages of 20 and 30. And (with the exception of this ugly mug) they are all gorgeous. Boss is an unmarried attorney in his late 40s. I don't get a creep vibe from him, and I have really good radar for that sort of thing, so I'm not worried but it's still weird.

4. I'm not officially hired yet? I'm on some sort of probationary training period, I think. But boss has never discussed that and I've been too afraid to ask outright about my status. My schedule is completely irregular. I get a few days a week, and sometimes Sunday afternoons. I don't really have a schedule, I just have to ask him at the end of the day when he wants me to come in again. I'm not on payroll. He pays me at the end of the day, in cash from his wallet. Is that weird??? That's weird :( So I'm totally freaking out about whether or not I can count on having this income.

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Other than that, I'm just generally freaking out about my performance. Phones scare me, I'm basically expected to act as a paralegal without having any previous experience with this, and it is so hard! This job could change my life, it really could, but I'm so worried about it :(

Help?