A COLLEGE GRADUATE WHO IS DRUNK.

MY FRIEND GAVE ME THIS BOOZE THAT TASTES LIKE STRAWBERRY MILK BUT IT HAS TEQUILA IN IT. IT'S ONE OF THE MOST DELICIOUS THINGS I'VE EVER TASTED.

I WALKED ACROSS A STAGE AND MY PARENTS CRIED AND I FELT WEIRDLY NON-EMOTIONAL. I THINK IT JUST HASN'T HIT ME YET.

MY MORTARBOARD WAS FALLING OFF SO I LOOKED REALLY SILLY BUT I COULDN'T GET IT TO FUCKING STAY ON CORRECTLY. ALSO I'M PRETTY SURE I WAS THE ONLY PERSON WITH JEANS AND SNEAKERS ON UNDER MY ROBES. EVERYONE ELSE HAD NICE DRESS SHOES AND WERE WEARING DRESSES OR DRESS PANTS. I WAS WEARING JEANS AND A DOCTOR WHO T-SHIRT. FUCK IT, I'M JUST TOO COOL TO DRESS UP. MY HAT WAS AT A JAUNTY ANGLE. IT WAS A FASHION STATEMENT. SHUT UP.

I WISH THERE WAS LEFTOVER PIZZA BUT IT ALL GOT ATEN. THERE IS LEFTOVER CAKE. I DON'T WANT CAKE.

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