Yup. How do I manage to have such a high opinion of myself and such abysmally low self-esteem at the same time? It's like a super power.
I am, at one and the same time, and with no cognitive dissonance about it, convinced that: 1) I am a wonderful, genuine, caring, smart, funny person who is higher than average on the attractiveness scale when cleaned up, who would be a real catch and anyone would be lucky to spend grown -up times with, and 2) I am a totally unlovable freak who will die alone and miserable and no one will even notice I'm not around until the smell gets reported by the neighbors, and that I will never have enjoyable sex ever or even a date and I will never put my mouth on another human's mouth ever again or cuddle in a non-platonic way.
See? That's super-power level shit, right there.
I'm going to bed now in my tiny twin bed which will never need to be bigger because it will never be shared with an adult person.