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"I am a Weapon of Massive Consumption", aka Friday's Packages Unpacked.

So after being unemployed for eight, count’em eight months, I’ve been re-employed for about a month, so obviously AMAZON SHOPPING SPREE! Okay, not really, I’m trying to save money, but I was got drunk last weekend, and just found out Wes Craven had died... Long story short I bought a bunch of shit off of Amazon that I had been wanting forever, and figured I’d share my spoils of regret. Of course this being Amazon they sent in a million different packages, most of which arrived today, hence....

Friday’s Packages Unpacked!!!!!!!!

So interesting I know, but hey, let’s share our most recent purchases! Obvi, I’ll start. These things came in three packages... I’ll just get to it.


Package 1:

First Item and only Item: Copy of 1972’s Last House on the Left!

Brutal, nasty, gory(ish) with an uplifting Cat Stevens like score that keeps me begging for more! Not a great film, but an interesting one, and a solid beginning to the cool slasher films of the 70’s films that I LOVE! Plus it’s the precursor to Freddy and Scream.


Package 2:

First and Once Again ONLY Item: Sally Hansen Wax Strips.

Three sizes, and mostly just used for my eyebrows... really I should have just bought eyebrow ones, but I guess I got used to cutting the big one’s down, and just LAZY. I have the kind of lazy that requires extra work. Like spend two seconds online looking for the correct sized wax strips, or spend minutes cutting leg strips while wrecking a pair of scissors I’ll never clean? Done. This also may be the reason I’ve lived in the metro for 8 years, but drive 20 minutes to the suburbs to my old bank.


Package 3:

First Item: Super exciting filters for my cat’s Drinkwell Fountain.

I have two cats whom I love without abandon, but I am a terrible cat mother. This morning I realized that the trough I set out for them foodwise was almost empty. This is after two days of Tippi wailing at midnight because she thinks she might starve. I am equally negligent in the ways of their water fountain, which sounds weird because, yo, I spent $70 bucks on a fancy water fountain for my cats (they still prefer the faucet or, ew Abigael, the remnants of the shower), but I don’t clean it often, and often times put out a bowl of still water instead of actually cleaning it. Anyways, Filters say that I’m trying. I am!


Second Item: Lucas’ PawPaw Ointment

I have chronic dryness around my nose, chin, and on my lips (despite being oily everywhere else) and shitty health insurance, so instead of going to the Doctor I spend money on potions and pills that just might help. This is a creamy balm from Australia, and is supposed to work magic. I mean if it’s supposed to cure “nappy rash” it can surely cure my face right?


Random aside: I’ve heard that chronic dryness can be a facial version of a yeast infection? I’m scuurrrd that this may be what it is, but don’t want to resort to a Monistat Facial just yet.

Third Item: Pureology’s Perfect for Platinum

This is supposed to be a miracle filler (it’s says so on the bottle) for bottle blondes like me. I like to pretend that my hair is thick and luscious in my shiftily lighted apartment, but when I get under those fluorescents at work there is no more lying to myself. And while there is no more lying to myself, there is no stopping the blonde either. I’ve not tried it yet (my hair and makeup is still “fresh” from last nights Andrew WK show) but am hopeful, plus I don’t want to resort to a Monistat hair mask (or masque if you nasty) just yet.



This one is courtesy of my momma. She sent me a Pivotal Tracker. Trying to do the fitness thing, but it sucks. I already MyFitnessPal, and have been wanting a tracker show me my failures! No! My successes! In the four hours I’ve had it I’ve walked 210 steps! Go me! Honestly though it seems cool, and I’m looking forward to having tangible evidence of what I need to do better. If only there were a tracker like that for interpersonal relationships.


That’s all my shit! What shit did you get this week? What are your drunk Amazon purchases like? Do you think I need to do a Monistat facial? Any advice for a lazy bottle blonde? Labor Day plans? Discuss!

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