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I am an awkward stock photo and it's not ok

Illustration for article titled I am an awkward stock photo and its not ok

So bf was acting particularly grumpy and argumentative today, and since I worked really hard to make him his favorite food for dinner I was pissed off.


After dinner I asked him what was up and he said he was grumpy because we hadn’t had sex in almost a month. I promptly started crying, partially out of embarrassment because I hadn’t realized it had been that long. You see, bf is typically verrryyy sexual and we started off as basically D/s fuck buddies so I always considered our awesome sex life as one of the defining parts of our relationship. But now we’re both so grumpy and depressed and I’m so busy that we can only get together one night a week and the only thing we do is cuddle, watch a movie (that I fall asleep during), and go to bed. Then I leave the next afternoon because one of us has important shit to do.

I know sex wanes and waxes and depression/stress messes with your sex drive and that not having sex in almost a month is not a sign of relationship apocalypse but I’m upset about it.


BF said that his libido has been shot lately, but also added that he wishes I would initiate more and do certain things for him. He assumed I wasn’t interested in sexual stuff so he didn’t push me. But the reverse is true—I’m overly interested in it. I know he wants stuff and I want to make him feel as good as he makes me feel so I get overly anxious about it and shut down. The kicker is that I actually LIKE doing oral and cowgirl etc. but he lasts really long so I get tired, and he gets frustrated about it so I figure I might as well not do it anyway because I suck at sucking. Also he’s gotten around a lot more than I have so he knows more stuff. I feel like our knowledge gap is like that of a PHD vs. a Junior in Undergrad.

He told me not to freak out about it, that the rest of our relationship is going well, and that the best way to fix ones self esteem is to practice, but I’m still freaking out and feeling like I want to clam up sexually.


I think once both of our job situations are better it will get better- we’ll be able to see each other a little more, I can get more sleep, and our general self esteem will improve-but my question is: what do I do in the meantime? How do I work up the confidence to work on my skills in the bedroom and how do my bf and I bring more sexytimes back into our lives? Or is the solution just to relaxx? And how do we do that???

How have you guys dealt with this?

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