Note: My mom is on the mend and her shingles pain is being managed, thanks for all your well-wishes! I am sorry I didn’t respond, I had to scramble to get some business done.
I am not really asking for advice, since I think I am handling this appropriately. Just observing/bitching.
So, I am patient with people when they are trying to talk to me about my dad’s death. It is a difficult thing to talk about and most people aren’t that eloquent in the best of situations. They want to help, but it comes out wrong sometimes. I get it.
There seems to be a sort of person whose response to a death like this is to, I don’t know, troubleshoot it. It’s like they are trying to figure out a way that it could have been avoided, to make themselves feel like it cannot happen to them.
I have a few friends/acquaintances who are fixated on why my dad’s cancer was found so late. If I say that it took a long time to get an doctor’s appointment, they want to know why my parents didn’t demand an earlier one. When I say that they suspected it was diabetes at first, they want to know why my parents didn’t push to have that ruled out sooner. Why didn’t they demand a CT scan earlier? That sort of thing.
It is taking every bit of my self control to not shake them and scream, “You will not understand this. You have never been poor. You have never been Brown. You have never been a poor Mexican who grew up in the 60’s, when it was drilled into your head that you had to defer to professionals. You have always been insured. Also, he would have died anyways. Shut the fuck up.”
I politely tell them that this topic is not up for discussion, have they watched Hannibal? I hate when shows get cancelled right when I am getting into them.
Or I make them buy me a beer.