Welcome To The Bitchery

UPDATE: I am emotionally turmoiled

ETA: apparently I have a worst case scenario I didn't even think of. No response at all.

I’ve been dating this guy for...10 months now. It has been casual, in the sense that he is not my boyfriend, and not casual, in the sense that we’d, up until recently, spent every weekend and usually at least one night a week together, plus a couple weekend trips away. He’s met most of my friends, he joined my casual dnd group.

And when it first started, he didn’t want to be my boyfriend. And I got it. He’d just moved here from another country (literally our first date was the weekend he came to look at apartments a few weeks before moving). I get not wanting to dive into things. So I said fine, and let me know when you feel ready. It has become clear that the answer to that is obviously never. And, frankly, it’s been clear for a while, I was just lying to myself because I liked him so much, and I haven’t had a relationship in ages, and we were close enough that I could fool myself.


But now he’s pretty obviously pulling away. I haven’t seen him in ages (and it wasn’t obvious right away how long it had been because he’s been traveling a ton) and he doesn’t text me every day like he used to.

So. For my own piece of mind, I need to end things. My self esteem is in the sewer, and the amount of mental space I’ve been giving thinking about the whole thing is detrimental to other areas of my life.

But I’m terrified. Not to not have him in my life any more, I’m resigned to that. But that I’m going to text him to say “hey, I can’t do this any more”, and his only response is going to be “oh, ok, whatever”, or, worse yet “you hadn’t realized it already was?” Is it wrong to want him to be at least a little sad about it, just to know that I made some kind of an impression?

I’d convinced myself to text him tonight after work, and it’s now 11pm here, and I still haven’t sent the text. Emotions are too fucking hard, and fear is the worst one

Share This Story