At everyone and no one and myself. It's nobody's fault really, but this is the third day in a row I've spent with little to no human contact and I've reached my breaking point. It seems like almost every weekend is like this. Even when I reach out and try to spend time with someone my plans fall through because they're busy. I feel neglected, abandoned, angry. I've been crying non-stop for the past hour, trying to figure out who to call and what to tell them because I want to tell someone how horrible I feel and have them understand that no- it's not just "a hard week" like I keep saying it is. No I'm not tired all the time because I'm busy- I'm tired all the time because trying not to kill oneself is exhausting and sometimes I can't keep that up and pretend to be happy at the same time. But I don't have anyone here who I can trust this knowledge to. I don't want to guilt anyone into hanging out with me but I'm...I'm desperate for a friend who won't run away. I don't want someone to save me because that's not possible. I just want someone to sit there with me while I try to save myself. I'm tired of crying all alone. I'm tired of not being able to tell anyone how hard it is to live on the 24th floor of a building and to be by yourself all alone most of the day and to sit by a big window and to resolve not to ever ever put your roommates through something so awful. I wish they had "congratulations on not killing yourself" cards. They'd say "Otsukaresama!" or something. Because it really is a lot of work sometimes.
I don't know what to do.
Sorry, everyone. I don't want to worry you. I'm not going to do anything. I just needed to tell somebody.