See? HAPPY. Clap along, people.

GIF source: "Pharrell, Happy" Damn that teddy bear is cute, but I never knew Pharrell was so goofy-looking, I now want him.


Why am I happy? Because one of my least favorite people of all time is leaving the preschool and never coming back. Her file has been marked DO NOT REHIRE. Ah, joy.

This woman taught the three-year-old class last year, and she was AWFUL. First, our preschool program is only mornings. The kids get here at 8:30 am and are picked up at 12:30 pm. So, she expected THREE-YEAR OLDS (edit: so, I had an expletive in there before "three-year-olds" but decided that someone might get the impression that there was sexual activity among the little 'uns.) to do all of this shit in FOUR HOURS. And eat snack and lunch. She gave the kids two art projects every day, but neither of them was actually child-created art, just coloring or a craft, so the kids never got to do actual self-expression. The had two circle times of thirty minutes each with them every day, where they looked at flash cards. FLASH CARDS. 12 children doing flash cards at the same time. And she wondered why they were so squirmy. IN ADDITION TO the circle times, they had story times. Usually two or three. On Mondays, I had them for music for a half-hour, Wednesdays were Bible for a half-hour, and Fridays were library for a half-hour (the three-year-old class is only three days a week).

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GIF source: Star Trek, The Abrams Journeys, McCoy is the BEST in any timeline.


But Shiny, you say, When did the little ankle-biters get to play in centers? When was their recreation time? When did they get to do anything remotely developmentally appropriate?

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And here I will sadly shake my head and say, Nope. They got about 15 minutes of centers when they first arrived, and that was it. Sometimes, they got about 15 minutes of play-time either outside or in the gym, but not every day. Yes, I'm quite aware of how many state regulations that violates.

But here's the thing: I could have forgiven her being a bad teacher if she didn't annoy me so damn much. Let's list her crimes, shall we?

1) She always knew more than everyone else about every subject, and was constantly giving advice about things the other person was expert in. Examples: a) I have had migraines since I was a baby. She has had two in her life. She has several times given me detailed instructions on how to deal with my headaches. b) I am VERY FUCKING GOOD at my job. I teach music, I do music, and I do it well. I know how to create a curriculum that is developmentally appropriate for preschoolers. I know how to create a program that is developmentally appropriate for preschoolers and that mom and dad will be impressed with and have actual fun watching. And yet, every Monday, I got advice on what I should do with her class and what they should do in the program.

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2) SHE WOULDN'T LISTEN. Ever. To what anyone else was trying to tell her. She always knew better. Example: I spent the entire fall as a long-term sub for music in School W. Every time I saw her, she would tell me that I should apply for the open position in School WP. I would inform her that the position was at School W, and that I was already in contention as I was subbing there. She would insist, repeatedly, that the position was at School WP. EVERY TIME.

3) Total conservative republican ultra-conservative religious zealot. All the stuff we complain about conservative Christians believing? She believed it. Even the idiotic shit that most Christians know is idiotic shit. I have very little patience for anyone who still thinks evolution is "just a theory" and that creationism is "just as valid" and should be given equal time in school. NO. SHUT UP. NO. (And, yes, I'm still a Christian. Go figure.)

4) Bigot. Do I need to go any further with that one? Every stereotype of privilege-blind rich white person, she fit it. And, because of #2, she'll always be that way. *shudder* I really hope her daughter, who is very sweet, learns better than her mom.

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Every time I saw this woman, she would do or say something to enrage me. And I hated being like that. I try to accept people, and I try to LIKE people, even when I think they're being privileged assholes.

But I just couldn't with this woman. And so I always felt like a really horrible person, because for all her faults, she obviously truly did what she was doing out of love. And when people do things out of love, even if what they do is misguided and uninformed, I think they should be given a bit of leeway. But I just couldn't do it with her. And that made me even angrier, this time with myself.

So, I'm really happy she's gone. And extremely disappointed in myself that I'm happy she's gone. I wish her a good life, and joy, and peace. But I also wish a really tough, life-changing lesson for her. Because WOW does she need it. And see, right there? The fact that I am so judgy as to think she needs a few life lessons? That makes me sad at me.