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I am terrible at sleeping.

It is not a skill I possess. I'm a light sleeper who has specific conditions that must be met in order for me to sleep. It must be silent, save for white noise or repetitive chill music. It must be pitch black. It must be freezing in the room if I want good sleep. I have issues turning off my brain at night. It always comes up with something new to think about. I try to tell myself bedtime stories by daydreaming (good transition into actual dreaming) but sometimes I get too into the story I'm telling myself and continue it on long after I should have been asleep.

I have been a light sleeper my entire life. Any extra noise that happens in the night that occurs when I'm not in the deepest part of sleep will wake me up. Bed movement wakes me up. It's not uncommon for me to wake up two or three times during a night. I have the ability to wake myself up in the middle of a dream to check what time it is, because apparently even then my brain doesn't shut off completely.


It's even worse now that I share a bed with Mr. Agador Spartacus. On top of my difficulty sleeping even alone, I have to contend with his sleep talking, twitching, and tossing. Each time I'm right on the cusp of sleep, he tosses over and shakes the bed. Or he moans or talks. Or he touches me. I also don't have the space I need to stretch out, and his weight causes the mattress to dip in the middle, which means I'm sleeping on an incline. I wake up in back pain every morning because of this.

I don't have the space or money to buy a larger and better mattress. Sleeping in separate rooms is not an option. Moving to the living room couch works, but it's ultimately a temporary solution that just extends and exacerbates the problem. Lately I haven't been able to sleep until 2 or 3 in the morning. I'm just so tired of the sleep deprivation. It happens in cycles, where I get good sleep for a while, then it deteriorates from there until I'm working off of 4 hours of sleep a night for an entire week.

I just wish I was a heavy sleeper. I envy those of you who can sleep through anything.

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