Maybe talking about this will help me.
I love my family. I have three sisters and my parents are happily married. I am the second oldest child. And even though I love them, I hate coming home. For reasons I don't feel like getting into because it plain pisses me off, I don't have my own apartment yet. Because of this, I live in residence and I have to come home holidays and between semesters.
I hate it. I have the worst time getting shit done in this inaccessible house. I can manage but I often need help with things. Asking for help bugs my sisters, and I cannot do anything about it. To make things worse, all of my friends live in my college city, and this place is an hour away. I can't go out because there's no one to chill with. I can't even drive around because I'm stuck out in the country in my manual wheelchair.
Ever been stuck inside with family that doesn't understand you? It ruins your relationship. I don't agree on anything political or social with them, typically. That's fine. But when you can't leave it creates tension and we fight.
-We fight because I need help
-We fight because they say something bigoted
-We fight because my sisters ask my mother what I need instead of asking me
-We fight because I'm bitchy due to loneliness out here and sometimes I lash out.
I am no angel, sometimes I am rude too. But I can't help but think of my friends who regularly help me in the city and how well we click. Even the workers I dislike, we get along.
Coming here makes me cry. My own family doesn't get who I am. Some days are okay. Some are great. Often though, I am alone.
I don't know how they all click so well and yet I'd rather not be here. They care but I am the alien.
Is it Sunday yet?