It felt nice. My current comforter is threadbare and has a giant jagged scar from where I did a raggedy sew-up job when a washing machine nearly shredded it years ago, so I'm excited to have some new things for my new place. I had two 20% off coupons from Bed Bath and Beyond, so I got those and then a bathroom accessory set. (Tried to find a photo, but the website is being difficult. The set is solid black with faux facet cut onyx stones all over it. Very glittery and girly. I want to get a black shower curtain as well, and some tea rose or light pink bath mats. I'm going for a vintage powder room vibe.)

My mattress was also delivered yesterday! It's in my mom's storage unit for right now, since there's no where for us to set it up at her house, but it was still exciting to get it and know it's waiting for me to sleep on soon. It's a queen size tempurpedic that I got a ridiculously good deal on (I'm talking 80% off of retail kind of ridiculously good deal) Gah, I can't wait. I've been sleeping on couches and used mattresses for almost a year now.

It's been really tough living with my mom. I actually went and talked to a counselor up at the college this afternoon. Between sharing an incredibly tiny space with my mother, having no privacy or quiet/alone time, sleeping 5 hours a night, commuting 2.5 hours on average daily, working in a physically demanding job and taking a full class load, my mood has taken a nose dive. It's definitely a huge relief knowing that I've got my apartment to look forward to in the middle of May, but exhaustion got the best of me this morning and I started having a meltdown thinking about how I'll keep this pace up for another 7 weeks, when I already feel like I'm at my breaking point. I know that my regular therapist (whom I can't afford while I'm in school) would not be happy to know that I moved back home during this time, but I really didn't have another option, so I have to make the best of it.

She (the counselor at the college) suggested I try to celebrate little milestones along the way as I make my way towards May and moving in...i.e. two more weeks go by, maybe I go see a movie or buy my floor mats for the bathroom to celebrate only having 5 more weeks to wait. Also she said getting things together and physically preparing for the move-in will help it to feel more "real" and not so hopeless in the interim. So getting the comforter felt nice.

I guess the thing that freaks me out is feeling like I'm in survival mode for the time being. A friend invited me out last weekend shopping with her son, and I was so exhausted and sad the entire time that I felt like I ruined the afternoon. I don't feel like I've got anything in me, any energy of any kind to devote to, like..."fun" activities or connecting with people which sucks. I know it's only temporary, but I don't like feeling like I'm off-putting or not fun to be around because I'm pissed about my situation.

Meh. 44 more days.