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I broke Octsober.

Twice. Both for reasons. Not necessarily good reasons, but reasons nonetheless.

The first time was this weekend. I had to go to a wedding, and my dad brought his girlfriend. She is HORRID. I was DETERMINED to like her when I first met her. I was convinced I wouldn't hate her just because she might partly be the reason my parents got divorced. Not her fault, no sense in blaming her, etc. It's really hard to not hate someone who just sucks though. She asks hugely rude and personal questions. My dad says it's because she's a therapist, and she can't "turn it off." Well, my mom is a therapist, and turns it off perfectly easily, so fuck that excuse. She and my mother share a name, and she calls herself "[mom's name] The First" (I've posted abut this before, so if this sounds familiar, that's why). My dad instructed her not to be rude to me at the wedding. She stared at me for five minutes, apparently trying to think of something not overly personal to ask or say, and finally, after pondering and staring, she came up with "Shiny, what's your favorite color?" Bar, gin and ginger, Octsober broken.

Yesterday, I had a (sort of) date. As I have chronicled on here before, I have, let's say not the best history with men. Boy was perfectly lovely, sweet, but said something that triggered me badly. I ordered a beer. And then several more. And was repaid with a lovely hangover today.


I'm posting about this because I told you all I was going to be sober for a month, I've had some AMAZING support tweeted at me, and many of you who I'm Facebook friends with have been there for me when I'm in a bad place and want a drink to get away from it.

Despite these.... bumps, Octsober is not over, and it is not a failure (thank you so much Smithwellette for talking me through last night, your words mean more than you will ever know!). I have been very mindful about my relationship with alcohol, I have had to deal with things that stress me the fuck out and trigger me and had to do so without a drink. I have overall felt better, had more energy, gotten more shit done. I'm rededicating myself to Octsober, and am going to try to carry it into November (with a possible break for Halloween).

Remember friends, just because you're not perfect doesn't mean your progress isn't worth it. Progress doesn't leave you. Mistakes don't negate the hard work you've put in, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

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