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I cannot brain anymore today.

So damned exhausted. How did I take a full load of classes at 21 and work two jobs?

Oh wait. I didn't do well in my classes. That's how.

I'm taking 14 hours this semester, and as of right now, I do not have a job. I'm staying at my aunt's house, and have some modest help in terms of paying for gas and groceries from my grandfather.


I clean the house, cook a few times a week, run errands for my aunt, and will start going to check on my grandma in her assisted living home a few times a week for her as well.

So, I have been telling myself i'd start looking for work in a few weeks. but, as of right this second? I'm. Fucking. Exhausted. I'm sure there's a learning curve here. I'm just now reteaching myself how to manage a full time school schedule. I'd just forgotten that mental exhaustion is WAY different from get-up-and-work-at-a-desk-job-for-nine-hours exhaustion.

At the heart of this, I think I just feel guilty and ooky about accepting help, like I shouldn't have to, at 25 years old. Financial help in school is a big, big privelege, and not something I've ever had before. So there's some pressure I'm putting on myself to be working at the same time, like, RIGHT NOW. Other side of the coin is, I want to do very well in school. It's critical, at this point. I want a master's someday, and grad school won't happen if I keep over stacking my plate and not making school my main focus. School by itself just feels like a lot already.

Anyway. Blah, blah, blah. Maybe I'll adjust to everything and feel differently in a month's time.

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