TW Depression, Anxiety talk - self-indulgent rant below.

GT, I am feeling really shitty right now. I've been struggling with daily panic attacks for the past ~6 weeks and I now feel a depression sinking in. My husband is unemployed and abusing alcohol, our relationship is not good, and we're broke. My work is understaffed and super stressful right now (has been for over a year now). My poor daughter (7) is starting to pick up on the stress and be worried about money and her dad not having a job, which is killing me.

I think I have mentioned before that I have had a lot of personal revelations in the past year, but I'm having a hard time getting over my negativity and self-esteem, and anger at myself for fucking idiotic decisions I have made over the years.

I got up this morning and had a stunning realization that I've felt this before. I know now that it's depression, but I'm pretty sure I have been walking around depressed for most of the last 15 years and wondering what was wrong with me. It's kind of thrown me for a loop.

On this note, has anyone ever taken short term disability for depression/anxiety? I am having such a hard time working while dealing with this anxiety, and the work just adds to it as it gets busier. at the same time, we're really busy and short staffed, so how can I take a leave of even a couple months without fucking everyone else over?! And maybe not working will make it worse...but I feel like I have absolutely nothing left after a workday, and this whole thing is exacerbating my migraines and IBS too. All I want to do is lie in bed in the fetal position by the end of the day.

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I'm seeing my doctor next week, and in the meantime I feel like I'm totally losing my mind.

Thanks everyone, just had to get it out.