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I Declare War on the Rat Menace

1 rat, 2 rat, 3 rat, 4, I'mma shoot rats 'till I can shoot no more.

We have always been at war with the rats. Recently, the rats have claimed my back yard as their territory. For a time, we enjoyed an uneasy peace: rich fuckers talking shit as they see rats from the street race into the crawl way beneath my house, hearing the rat chatter as they marched across the fence of my large, shared back yard. I was content to ignore them. But this peace has come to an end.


Recently, the rats have become more brazen, they have over-stepped our unspoken boundaries. In the last couple weeks, I've seen and heard rats in backyard during the day. I think its perfectly reasonable to let rats and raccoons use my back yard in the night when humans don't need it, but this breach in unforgivable. Tomorrow, I break the armistice.

Tomorrow, I will take back what is ours.

Dear Groupthink, please forgive the sins I am about to commit on our fellow mammals. If there was another way to end this war, I wish it existed. Being the cheap hill-billy I am, I decided to forgo using a "pest control" expert that normal city folks would use, and am personally going to defend my house hold with a bb gun. If I don't make it back, tell my girlfriend I love her, comrades.

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