Ok *breathes* I shall explain my excitement!
So, I had a group presentation to do in class this morning. Yes, I have a Sunday morning class. Anyway, sounds relatively simple, right?
Wrong. I have severely horrific stage fright. Combine that with my normal anxiety, any time I have to speak in front of a crowd it's like a panic attack x 1000. I start shaking and sweating, get lightheaded, room starts spinning, my mouth gets so dry my throat feels like it's closing, I stutter, I freeze up, etc. It's just an overall shitshow. Even if I'm well educated on the topic I'm discussing, it doesn't matter.
Today I had to do a group presentation on Ernest Hemingway. Being in a group doesn't help the stage fright at all. Now, remember I told you guys I got a script for Xanax? As I was walking to class I felt my anxiety starting so I said "fuck it" and popped one. I figured the worst that could happen was, like the previous meds, I would get sick and then I don't have to do the presentation! Sound logic, I know.
But...but...you guise! IT WORKED. It's an incredibly low dose of Xanax (.25). Within about 15-20 minutes I felt a little...melty? I guess is the right term. But about 5 minutes after that it stabilized and I...was calm.
I. Did. A. Presentation.
I stood in front of my class, I discussed everything perfectly, I MADE EYE CONTACT WITH PEOPLE! No shaking, no sweating, no dry mouth or being lightheaded, I didn't freak out at all when I had to come up with answers on the spot, I even made some jokes!
The pill didn't make me high or tired or sick. It just made me feel...normal. Still like Fluffybutt, but more like my brain was functioning properly and not running through a million thoughts per second.
I'd like to think that it wasn't only the Xanax that helped, that therapy is also working and I'm getting better at managing my anxiety by myself as well.
I DID A PRESENTATION!!! I know that seems so, so silly but I have NEVER been able to calmly stand in front of a room of people like that. I didn't think I ever would!
Guys, am I...am I getting better?