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Welcome To The Bitchery

...but when she gets it right, she nails it.

Q. What's in a Name?: My husband and I have been married for six and a half years. We have an extremely strong relationship with one small point of contention: my name. When we got married, I had the intention of changing my last name to his, but I got cold feet about it. I feel that if I change my name, I'll lose my autonomy. Couple this with the fact that people automatically assume my last name is his and end up calling him Mr. Smith, instead of Mr. Notsmith, and you can see where my husband would be more than slightly annoyed. Am I way out of line on this one?

A: If people assume that you have your husband's last name, I don't get the sense you are annoyed or offended when they make that understandable mistake. But your husband feels demeaned by people who don't know him well calling him Mr. Smith. I actually don't see why this should bother him. I didn't change my name so at our dry cleaners my husband is Mr. Yoffe, and he's never said that picking up his shirts using this moniker has left him feeling unmanned. What to do about a name change is highly personal and I would hope that six years into it your husband could respect your choice and laugh off any silly confusion over it.


Nailed it!

Why such a silly mistake upsets or annoys him actually speaks more about the husband than anything else. If his name is so important to him, why can't he understand that his wife's name is important to her?

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