Two of my cousins just had babies. Not with each other, of course. Neat, right? Well, while I support them and shit-I don't fucking care. I feel like that makes me a horrible family member.

The thing is, I don't really know these people. They were so cool when I was a kid, but their mom is a nutcase. She told me once that what I was majoring in was "useless", and once prevented me from leaving her house (Seriously, I was there all night even though I could have driven home, ended up getting harassed in a creepy way by her 'family friend', and woke up at six to get home. And she ran out of her house in her Pjs to stop me, and I just floored it).

Back to my cousins. Haven't seen them in like, six years. I love them and their SOs because hey, family. But when I heard about the babies, and see them all over FB, and every gloating email my mom forwards me from my Aunt-I just don't fucking care.

I think it's because they may not let their kids meet me. Distance, family discord, and the fact that I'm the resident 'oh, she's just a bit off' black sheep. I sent cards and stuff. I almost sent thoughtful presents. I guess the 'I don't give a fuck' attitude comes from the sadness I have that I'll never know these kids (because no one wants the oddball black sheep to hold their child) and never get to see these kids grow up.

I don't know. Every picture I see hurts but at the same time I'm telling myself not to care.