I drank to see if this "first dose" thing had any teeth.

So yesterday evening, after taking my first dose of naltrexone at about 11am, I decided - against my current habit as it doesn't get along with my current weight loss plan - to join my husband in an evening drink.

Usually, this would have led me down the weedy garden path to at least several more drinks. Generally, a few fairly quickly as I enjoyed the groove of having a buzz and cooking dinner, then progressing to enough after dinner during television-watching to get truly drunk. Such is the way of my disordered drinking. Don't miss it if I'm not drinking, but I have that "drink to get drunk" trigger, so... seems like a perfect day to test whether there's any truth, for me, to this "often works from the first dose" business I've read about naltrexone.

So I sliced a lime, poured two vodka tonics, and we sat on the back porch talking about our respective days. I noticed straightaway that the drink was delicious, as always (that touch of Rose's lime in mine is a sacrifice to my lowcarb diet akin to fresh summer tomatoes; non-negotiable), but I was setting it down more often. Placebo effect, I told myself.

Our conversation continued, and I offered to refill his glass. Mine was half-full. Wishful thinking. Had to be.

A few cigarettes and talk about a possible upcoming move later and... an hour and a half into our evening, I hadn't refilled yet. So I did the strangest thing: I willfully refreshed my drink. Not mindlessly, willfully.

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That drink lasted through dinner prep, which as I mentioned is a huge trigger for me. I love the flow of it and enjoy the laid back vibe. I still did, don't get me wrong. But that drink lasted through the chopping, sauteeing, pasta-cooking, sauce-creating. Normally I'd easily have been three drinks in by this time.

I could have been done right there. Happily. Because frankly, the buzz wasn't there. I started to think maybe it IS the drug and not wishful thinking. So I did what any good disordered drinker would do - I chased the buzz.

Three drinks and we watched the recording of (the only good episode yet) the season finale of Black Sails. The contents cooled, puddling evaporation around my glass. Melted ice diluted the crisp, fresh tonic. The lime smelled delicious as I fiddled with it.

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I didn't finish that fucking drink. I had absolutely zero desire to get drunk. None.

My alcohol abuse just took the strangest fucking turn... I wasted perfectly good vodka.

ETA: Dinner was interesting, too. I made pretty killer sauced, sauteed chicken breasts (and I hate chicken breasts) with tons of lemon, butter, a little cream and dijon plus extra lemon and garlicky butter in the pasta, with broccoli on the side. I plated 1/2c of pasta for myself (I'm upping carbs right now), plus a pretty standard "palm sized portion" of chicken breast, and about 3/4-1 cup of steamed broccoli, with more lemon and butter.

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I ended up eating the pasta, but giving my husband about a third of my portion of chicken, and left broccoli on my plate. This is weirdness, I'm the original member of the clean plate club AND I just eat like there's no tomorrow when I low-carb, because I can. The weirdest bit was leaving broccoli on my plate, though. I mean, that never, ever, ever happens. In this house we basically go at it Mad Max cage style over any remaining broccoli. I'm not drawing any conclusions, but yeah, it was different.


And finally because I think it's necessary to add: I am in no way affiliated with the makers of Naltrexone (I take the generic) nor am I compensated in any way other than the deep irritation of having "Alcohol Abuse" as part of my permanent physician's record. :\ And of course the satisfaction of being a Pubmed guinea pig for your amusement.

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This is in no way to be taken as medical advice, as I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on the internet.

And word to the wise: If you plan to speak to your doctor, or friends and family, about this.. plan to get some pushback, some mentions of "If you have a problem isn't it time to stop altogether..." etc. Stay vigilant. It's not on the FDA restricted list, it's approved for moderating OR quitting, and you might want to consider printing out more information so you have it in hand. Don't rely on your phone or your memory.