A lot of y'all know I was in what seemed like an amazing relationship for the past ten months. In many ways it was. Sadly, there was a major flaw that continued to get worse over time.
I was working really, really hard at maintaining romance and closeness and got the sense that he wasn't. More and more often I had to ask him if he would please take a night off to spend time with me, rather than play his favorite sport (he plays 5 times a week). I first brought this up about six months ago and the problem went away temporarily but came back quite prominently in the past couple of months. It seemed that sports and friends always got a "yes, I'll be there" and I came second. He didn't put aside one night a week for us or ask me to do anything specific. He had a very passive attitude and this week I realized I couldn't go feeling rejected and alone any longer.
I tried to learn to cope with not having him around much, and not having a great sex life (another thing I always had to initiate and basically steer myself after numerous suggestions that he take it up a notch. His answer? "That's just the way I am."). I am 30 in a few days and terrified. The feelings I describe have been percolating for a while, and we had the same fight about spending time together several times, but I did not expect this to happen. I expected him to put up a fight. We had timed our leases (he even spent extra money on rent for this) so we could move in together in a few months. Our families were really happy. I have only told a few close friends who confirmed to me that it sounded like I needed to draw the line.
Someone can be smart and funny and wonderful - but if they don't make you feel special and loved, it's not worth it. I didn't want to be alone but I already was.