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I failed at adulting today (ETA: I feel better)

Depression/anxiety manifests in really weird ways.

I haven't showered in... four or five days. New Year's Eve was the last time I did that. I just can't be bothered if I don't have to go anywhere. My hair is starting to stand up on its own. It's pretty foul.

I have a whole bunch of laundry to do. Some of it is washed and dried, but the folding... hasn't happened. People are hamper-diving for underpants, and I'm okay with this.


What's-His-Name notices that things aren't done around the house, but doesn't seem to notice that his wife is having trouble dealing with basic shit like hygiene. Ohhhh, no. He's just annoyed that his underwear isn't magically appearing in the dresser drawers. I can't even get motivated enough to be mad at it, since this is just How It Is.

I have found that my motivation tends to be strongest in the morning. That is likely due to years of behavioral training, whereby getting out of bed is a good goal and everything that happens after that is extra. Over the past 15 or so years, I have gotten better at getting out of bed and staying in motion until some of the more important things in life are done. Today started strong, but of course it's just the One Little Thing that goes wrong and it derails my shiz completely. Today's issue is that our dogs are trying to chew through the front door when we're not home, so now they have to be crated again, which causes All The Barking.

In the grand scheme of things, that's not a huge issue but on days like today, it's The Worst. My motivation died and nothing got done and now I feel bad about it.

Sigh. The therapy and the medications only do so much. The rest of it is apparently up to me, and today I wasn't up to it. I am going to go shower (because I'm grossing myself out at this point) and read myself to sleep.


ETA: After a shower and sleep, I feel better. I have to work today, which will help get me out of my head for a bit. Big thanks to everyone who chimed in. Meh Panda Martini Party for everyone!

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